It’s taken me almost 3 years since I had my son to feel truly sexy again.
There have been times when I felt beautiful or pretty. But I haven’t felt sexy. I haven’t felt like my body belonged to me until a few weeks ago.
I hated the way my body looked after I gave birth. I thought my stretch marks were disgusting. I hated the way my skin on my stomach and back had been stretched. I deplored my chubbier frame. My thighs made me ill and I couldn’t look at my arms in photographs.
So many people told me I was still beautiful and I wasn’t fat at all. But I knew I was different. I knew I’d never be the same as I once was. I’d cry every time I’d open my wardrobe and see all my beautiful, tiny clothes. I’d feel sick when I looked in the mirror.
It may seem superficial to some. But I was so depressed about the change I saw in my body. I didn’t feel curvier. I didn’t feel more womanly. I felt fat. I felt frumpy. I felt ugly. It was so hard for me to give up my uni dreams and my life plans due to my unexpected pregnancy, I felt so punished that my body had been taken away too.
I had always been very slim my entire life. Having been complimented so often on my figure (which was maintained without much effort at all I must admit), I took it for granted. I never realised how lucky I was.
A massive turning point for me was undertaking the Paladin SC 12 Week Health & Fitness Challenge last year (see my blog post about my results here). It made me approach exercise differently. And I started to feel like myself more and more.
I now feel like me again!
I am almost back into my teeny tiny shorts (they won’t be coming off, so prepare yourself), and my beautiful dresses. I no longer have braces (just an annoying retainer haha). And now I feel beautiful. I don’t feel like I used to. I feel better. I have gratitude and respect for my body now. And now I feel that “I am woman, hear me roar.”
So no. I won’t stop posting about my guns and buns on Facebook. And yes, I will keep checking in at Yoga. Because I know that there are other mums out there who have felt the post baby body dismay. And I want them to know that they’re not alone.